Wednesday, March 14, 2007


A recent post of Ashes' about cynicism got me thinking about a recent understanding...

I was quite embarassed to realize that I am more defensive about things that I am less sure of. The more established my conviction and faith in something, the less I am prone to feeling defensive about it. The less established my understanding or conviction, the more likely I am to get defensive if someone says something negative or contrary to it.

To be defensive means that I'm actively defending something... Sometimes I feel defensive about ideas I like, but that I haven't yet fully understood or embraced. I enjoy liking those ideas and counting them as something that appeals to me, and don't want anyone to change my mind or shake me from my comfort zone. Defensiveness seems to come along with a stubborn desire not to change, to not be wrong, to not learn. It's such a gross feeling.

So then, how to be aware of these latent tendencies, and try to curb the ferocity with which they might rear their ugly heads? I guess it's a matter of affirming that change is good - including a change of mind; that learning is good; to ask questions instead of supply answers. To do all this with the intention of transformation. And to do all of this on the canvas, on the yoga mat, and in life at large. I'm always so relieved when I manage to shift that feeling and put the armor down again. It takes so much mindfulness to resist building up layers and layers of subtle resistance.

It's also interesting to me to think about how these intimate issues of defense parallel larger, national/international issues of defense. The principles MUST be same, mustn't they?


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